By Charles LaFond, ISR Senior Director of Development

It always makes me think of my grandmother. Every time. All it takes is one bite of warm cornbread to remind me of my grandmother’s visits.

She always smelled of lavender because she kept lavender sachets in her drawers and closets. She was a grand old lady, born and raised in England with perfect grammar, and that ramrod-stiff posture of ladies trained never, ever to lean back onto any chair.

She knew I loved the 1970s-style, toaster-ready, sweet corn muffin cakes we used to get at Safeway, next to the English Muffins, when I was a child. Some stores still have them, but my aging diabetic body can no longer tolerate the corn syrup that made them so wonderful. Because of her love of India, she always fried eggs in curry butter – the perfect pairing with corn toast.

And then she was hidden.

Suddenly, my grandmother’s apartment in downtown Washington, D.C. was empty. It looked like Cindy Loo Who’s house in Whoville after the Grinch stole everything from Cindy Lou Who’s home one night, in the dead of darkness. Nails stuck out from the walls. Bright squares of paint were defined where pictures used to hang. Dust balls lingered as if alive, waiting for some signal to move. Perhaps bite. Perhaps purr. But the smell of lavender lingered like a ransom note.

As happened to all aging seniors when I was small, she was “disappeared” into “care” by “the family” for 10 more years. I thought she was the matriarch of “the family,” but no longer. Her feet had curled due to arthritis. Her hands had curled and twisted like dead thorn bushes. She no longer spoke, and she slept a lot. She needed care that “The Family” would not or could not give her. She was alone, but for nurses, for a decade.

No more laughter-filled Dim Sum in Chinatown with Nan Nan. No more Spoon Bread at the restaurant of Lord & Taylor’s. No more Grand Old Dame as resident family matriarch and archivist on Christmas Day. No more postcards from exotic ports of call. No more stories of life in London’s Blitz during “The War” (which always referred to WW2). In my life, at 14 years of age, I lost my beloved “Nan Nan” – my grandmother. When I asked about her, there was a hushed silence. Eyes looked at the shoes. Oil of Olay hands wrung. Lips pursed. Heads tilted as if they had heard something in a foreign language and so, could not answer.

But I knew.

My sister told me one night. Nan Nan (our pet name for my grandmother) was “in a home.”

“But why not OUR home?” I would ask. “How do I find her?”

Anxious silence was my family’s answer to anything they could not, or would not explain. “Never complain and never explain.” This could have been our family motto. Instead of “Go Warily” – whatever that has meant for 1,000 years.

Now, almost half a century later, I still tear up writing this. I still feel the genetic, inherited bodily stress of shame. She just wanted to stay in her home, near her family and dozens of friends.

Your local Island Senior Resources feeds and supports thousands of vulnerable seniors to gain access to healthcare and essential services so they can live longer and more safely in their own homes.  You are partners in our important work, helping us every day with donations.

Today, four donors have pledged a dollar-for-dollar match of $90,000 for all new pledges and gifts received before September 11, 2025.

With so many nonprofits asking for donations these days, please join me in supporting the basic human needs of those aging on the island this year.

On our islands, alone in homes, are grandmothers and grandfathers who faithfully did their work for dozens of decades. They need help – their families live far away. Please help Island Senior Resources to help aging seniors, adults with disabilities, and caregivers. https://senior-resources.org/donate/

Charles LaFond’s Corn Bread
One batch (serves 8)

• 4 tbsp bacon grease or butter
• 1 c. flour
• 1 c. course cornmeal
• 1 tsp salt
• 4 tsp baking powder
• ¼ tsp soda
• 1 ½ c. buttermilk
• 2 large or three small eggs

1. Preheat oven to 425°F
2. Melt butter or grease in pans (skillet)
3. Mix dry ingredients and sift
4. Add buttermilk, eggs, and stir briskly
5. Remove the hot pan and its melted grease or butter
6. pour hot grease into batter, stir, immediately pour into a hot, greased skillet (or baking pan)
7. Bake 20 – 25 minutes

Serve hot or toasted, with shocking amounts of salted, soft butter.