Friendship as a Wellness Practice

By Robin Bush, ISR Communications

Nettie and Maria were inseparable friends from age seven through college.  Then, as years passed, they gradually drifted apart.  They live across the country from each other and rarely visit; their interests no longer overlap, and calls or long letters have become short emails once a year on birthdays.  The regular rhythm of connection they had years ago is gone.  They both miss it, but they are such different people now that it is hard to rekindle their previously woven lives.

It’s not uncommon for old friends to grow apart, but in their place, it is important for your physical and mental health to take the time to build a few new close friends who align with who you are today. Friendship is a deep well of resources, strength, and healing.  Friends provide emotional support, lower stress, overcome challenges, sustain you as you navigate hard times, and keep you motivated.  Friendships help you feel connected and create a sense of belonging.  They also can be your support net when you want or need to change or avoid dangerous habits.

The quality and number of friends and the effort exerted to maintain those friendships directly affect wellness outcomes in older adults.  According to the American Journal of Psychiatry, people who have friends and close confidants are more satisfied with their lives, less likely to suffer from depression, and less likely to die from all causes, including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases. “When people are low in social connection—because of isolation, loneliness, or poor-quality relationships—they face an increased risk of premature death,” said Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University. A meta-analysis by Holt-Lunstad estimates that loneliness increases the risk of early death by as much as 26%. “In the face of life’s challenges, having a close friend to turn to seems to be a buffer or protective factor against some of the negative outcomes we might otherwise see,” said Catherine Bagwell, PhD, a professor of psychology at Davidson College in North Carolina.

Can you build new friendships at any age?  Yes.  As a child, you saw many people daily at school and had many opportunities to make friends.  Now, you must create opportunities to connect.  Think of someone you’d like to get to know better and reach out to them – maybe ask them to join you for coffee or lunch.  Don’t wait for others to reach out to you; you must take the first step.  And, if, after a few tries, someone does not respond, then let that one go and try someone else.  Go to events in your community that revolve around an interest or hobby you have.  Volunteer, take a class, or join a craft group or book club.  Be positive and reach out.  It gets easier the more you do it.

Friendship is a give and take – sometimes you are the one giving support, other times, a friend is supporting you.  To have a friend, you have to be a friend. Tell a friend how much you care about them.  Be kind, be a good listener, and don’t let too much time pass between gathering with them to share laughter and stories.